Remembering the unremembered

I just wrote the lamest post ever about how I was actually enjoying not going out and drinking as much, but then I realized two things. One, what a stupid post, no one cares and two, I just completely blacked out two nights in a row so what the hell am I talking about. I decided to delete the post and as I was I started thinking of all the amazing memories I have from drunken times (some of which I dont actually remember, but have just been told), I realized I really love drinking (Wow I sound like an alcoholic). So, instead of lying and writing about how I am ok with the fact that I am sitting in bed and watching a movie on a Friday night, I decided to go pour myself a large glass of wine and think about some of the amazing drunken things I have done and some of the great nights me and my friends have had.

A random night in the Roundhouse with Mary and Vanessa where all three of us completely blacked out and woke up to the oven on, all of our frozen food from the freezer laying completely melted on the oven, left over Thanksgiving food in a glass dish broken across the kitchen floor, and Mary asking me who was the brown haired boy in your bed this morning? To which I replied, what?? there was a guy in my bed and then spent the entire day trying to figure out what happened and calling guys I knew to ask them if they were "the brown haired man in my bed this morning?"

My 21st birthday, aka the first trifecta night. Obviously just drinking wasn't enough, we needed to take shots of liquid codeine from a medicine spoon (which I didnt actually take when I had pain from getting my tonsils out, but instead saved so everyone could enjoy it). That mixed with hookah and other substances led to complete blackouts for most people involved, and to me running headfirst into the elevator door.

My 22nd bday. Unfortunately I didn't make it out quite as long as I would have liked, but I think it was still an impressive showing. Apparently having a mixed drink from my liter beer mug was a bad idea, who knew. I blame that mixed drink for me falling head first down my stairs on the way to the bar, for saying I had to go to the bathroom and leaving Brats through the emergency exit door to go to Ians at 11pm, for falling again in the middle of Langdon st. while holding my Ians and having some random guys help me up, and for being passed out in bed before 1130pm.

Senior year halloween. It may have been two more trifecta nights, which is probably why so many great things happened. First, lets start with the first night. I know I danced on my counter in my tiny outfit, was part of 2 fishbowls after I was already blacked out, tackled Mike in Brats, forced Mike to pull my slip up and tuck it into my bra, woke Amanda up twice by bursting in her room and dropping my blanket so that I was completely naked (while one of those times was me screaming about how Matt just left in the midst of hooking up, while in reality he told me he was going to the bathroom and could hear me the whole time I bitched about him). Now onto the second night. Me and Annie attacked a man on stilts (probably almost killed him), stole things from random people and ran away as they chased us, I propositioned Bushwacka and told him I wanted to have sex with him, Mike found me outside of Brats by myself beating up an ATM machine and I continued to kick at it as he pulled me away, I left my debit card laying in the middle of the stairs in my apt. building, and then almost burnt down my apt. by throwing every type of meat I could into the oven and then falling asleep (which probably would have actually burnt down if it werent for Scott and Matt coming over to my place to find it).

Random night from Sophmore year when I worked at the State and possibly the most blacked out I have EVER been my whole life. First off, I only remember things from the beginning of this night and hte last 5 or 6 hours I have had filled in as much as I can from people, however, there is still a big chunk missing that I will never know what happened, but here goes. Obviously I started drinking at the State while I was working and by about 11pm I was completely blacked out. I found out from my co-workers that when we closed at around 3am I ran across the street to Ians and traded them alcohol from the bar for pizza. Then I brought the pizza to an a-bar with people from work where I tried to play beer pong but was so terrible that the people I was playing against would just pretend like I was making them so that the game would get done quicker. They also said I was still wearing my apron during the entire a-bar. This is then where everything gets kinda up in the air. I some how made it from the a-bar to my apt and I have no idea how or who I was with. I started banging on my apt door at 6am and TJ opened the door to me and a random guy and I feel into him and told him to get rid of the guy. So, without saying anything, TJ just slammed the door in his face. I found out that it wasnt any of my co-workers from the a-bar, so either it was a cab driver who had to help me to my apt. or it was a stranger I met while walking back to my place (knowing me it was probably a homeless man or huge creeper I met walking home). I then told TJ to help me get my food out of my purse and he looked in it and found a meatball sandwhich. But this was not a normal meatball sandwhich from silvermine's or anywhere remotely normal, it was wrapped in tinfoil and looked to be homemade. So who knows where the hell I found that from (probably from my homeless friend I picked up, but I don't want to think that cause i think I actually ate some of it...I am disgusting). Then TJ got too annoyed with me cause it was 6 in the morning and I was a mess so he went back to his room and left me in the kitchen. He then heard me rummaging through the cupboard and heard me spilling stuff everywhere and came back out to the kittchen where I had spilled an entire box of cereal on the floor and was trying to sweep it up, obviously not succedding and just making tons of noise. Finally, TJ said he had never seen anything like it b4, because in the midsy of speaking to him I just fell backwards onto the counter and completely passed out. I woke up on the counter at 11am very confused and wanting to die and that is all I know. I still don't know where I got the sandwhich, who brought me home, and on top of all of this I lost the money I made that night (or I should say the money I stole that night), my shoes and sweatshirt, my favorite earrings, and most importantly any sort of self respect I had left.

Terrace Friday (quite possibly the best of all of them). Meeting at the terrace at around 4 and drinking about 30 pitchers and smoking 5 rounds of hookah until 9pm. Then wandering back to the equinox with a few stops to jump in a fountain and buy frosting which would soon be thrown of the balcony into the bushes of the halfway house. Then, getting back to the Equinox at 9pm with Gina already dry heaving/throwing up in the bathroom and inviting everyone (esp. Josh) into the bathroom with her as she switched from dry heaving to talking about how big her boobs looked in her shirt that day. And ending with everyone, except Tali, passing out at around 9pm...what a day :)

Wow that was a lot of stuff and I could go on so much longer, but we have had some amazing times. There are so many other drunken incidents I could talk about; waking up to Mike naked and cupping his balls on our leather couch, getting kicked out of the Gritty for stealing glasses and getting caught and then doing it again and refusing to leave, drinking in the same booth for 7 straight hours at Brats and not realizing how drunk Annie is and allowing her to go home with Caldis which resulted in her peeing in his bed (sorry I had to mention it!), drinking 3 Liters of Carlo Rossi and then quiting my job in the mornning cause i was so hungover, Annie getting brought home by the cops after she made out with the grossest guy ever, lost all her belongings, and fell head first on state st. (ateast she thinks thats what happened), Annie doing a strip tease for a stage 9 clinger in the rain in her backyard after the Essen Haus, and finally many instances involving ridcuolous amounts of ranch and inapproriate text messages that ussually have to do with rape or poop. Whew that was a lot of work....so worth all the memories tho!!

1 year older, none the wiser

So, my birthday was yesterday and I finally made it to 23...woohooo!! For some reason I feel like 23 sounds so much older than 22 and it is kinda freaking me out because I feel like I should have direction in my life and have things kinda put together by now, but needless to say I do not. I actually feel like I have less direction in my life now than I ever have before. I always knew I had school to get done with so that was my goal, but now that I have accomplished that I thought I would have a job, but that is not looking so promising right now either. So basically, I am 23 and living paycheck to paycheck with no idea what I am going to do with my life. I spend half of my time working at Applebee's with people who are either still in school and just want some extra cash or people who have taken waitressing as their job in life. I don't know where I fit in with these people; I am definitely done with school, but I don't see waitressing as my real job, but since I have no other prospects I guess I am more similar to the people whose career is waitressing....basically I am pathetic and doing nothing with my life. The other half of my time is spent sitting at the beach and relaxing, and it is the most amazing thing ever. However, I think I am starting to enjoy it too much and that is why I am not seriously looking for a job right now. I mean with waitressing I can take time off whenever I need it and ussually find a sub for work if I want to spend the whole day being a beach bum. Its really pathetic and I never thought that I would be ok with where I am right now, but I completely am and it is scaring me. What happened to the direction and drive I used to have in my life. I dunno what happened to it but I really hope I can figure something out soon cause I am getting way to comfortable in this life of nothingness.

Ranch, mexican ranch, and fries...o my!!

So, I just finished my first day of training at Applebees's and it wasn't so bad, but i figured out a HUGE problem.....French Fries, Ranch, and Mexican Ranch!!

Damn it! Since I have been in San Diego (about a month) I have not consumed any ranch, which if you don't know me, is a really really big deal. I had gotten to the point in college that I could not eat pizza, sandwiches, mexican food, chips, stir fry, veggies, fries...basically any type of food without dousing it in excessive amounts of ranch. It was bad, I'm sure that everyone of my friends can come up with multiple times when I picked up a ranch bottle and shook it as many times as i could until there was a huge pool of ranch. And I didn't just dip, I don't even know what you would call what I did. One time I even resorted to picking up tiny saltine crackers for soup between my 2 fingers and then scooping the ranch onto them so it was about 90% ranch, 10% cracker. I mean I don't even think I would want to eat pizza if there wasn't ranch involved.
And lets get things straight, it was not fat free ranch, it was full on regular fatty ranch, or a mixture of real ranch and light ranch because I was trying to cut back. I even got extremely angry at my guy friends when I went to the spend the weekend at their place in Chicago and we got home from the bar and were ready to start eating our drunk food and they only had fat free ranch!! I'm pretty sure i was so angry that there were multiple f-bombs and even throwing of the ranch bottle involved.

But the times have changed here in San Diego. I have tried to cut back the extreme excess of ranch that I was consuming and the only way for me to really do that was by going cold turkey. I couldn't even buy a little bottle or anything because I knew that the moment I let that first morsel of ranch touch my lips, i would be done for. It was really hard at first, but i was finally getting to the point where I started to enjoy what food tasted like again and that I wasn't craving for a huge puddle of ranch to take up half of my plate. It was all going well atleast until today....

Applebee's not only has delicious full fatty ranch, but they also have mexican ranch! and not only that, but they also have amazing fries that are perfect for dipping. All of my hard work has been lost because on my first day at work there today they made a bunch of food to show us what their new specials were and all of the food they made came with a side of fries. Then after they showed it to us they let us all eat it, and since I was training and really didnt have that much work to do, guess where I was...standing over the fries! The moment that first fry covered in ranch hit my mouth I was done for. Goodbye cold turkey attempt and goodbye healthy body that was finally starting to peak through the ranch that turned to fat and stayed on my body for the past 4 years. Those fries and that ranch are just too good to stay away from, and considering my past waitressing experiences, this is what is going to happen. I will go into work in a foul mood, someone will piss me off right away, and then I will have an annoying shift where people suck and I get shitty tips cause people can see through the fake persona I put on in front of them. Then at the end of the shift I will think to myself, you deserve some fried food and ranch because you have had such a bad day, and then I will have it and it will make me happy and the cycle will begin and continue to be reinforced every time I work.

Damn it! I can see my future with ranch and even though I have been fighting my love for it the past month, I think it is time to just accept my life with ranch. We are one in the same and we need each other. I shouldn't let stupid things like being healthy and looking good get in the way of my one true love.....Ranch I love you, and fries I love you too (and mexican ranch, I just met you but i think I am falling in love with you 2)!!

A good friend...

So I just got off the phone with my best friend Annie who I haven't seen since graduation in May :(, but it has really gotten me to think about what makes a good friend and heres what I have so far.

1. They will always eat with you even when they are in no way hungry (ussually some sort of fried food dipped in EXCESSIVE amounts of Ranch so that you actually have no idea what you are consuming).
2. They understand your special language that is not even a language, but just making strange sounds at one another.
3. They don't think your weird when you refer to the hair that sticks up on your head by name (Shamus), and when that hair writes poems and recites them in its special voice.
4. They share custody and watch over your drunk duck child named Kathleen that has turned to drinking to deal with its transgender issues.
5. They have fun playing games with you that involve throwing everything you can find in their apt. on the ground angrily.
6. They don't get mad at you for being extremely gassy, and they think the words "poo" and "anal leakage" are awesome and not used in everyday language nearly enough.
7. They understand that a great day usually involves waking up still drunk and ordering pizza for breakfast, then maybe some Chins or extremely expensive Whole Foods for lunch (which you have to buy so you don't feel bad for constantly going in and just eating all of the samples), and then maybe some endless fries from Red Robin for dinner, which is obviously paired with a salad because you don't want to ruin your awesome diet... o yea and how could I forget dessert, which is either a pint of Ben & Jerrys or a 30 min trip to West Town Mall just to get some TCBY (Always sooooo worth it).
8. They understand that everything from #7 is best if you can get it delivered and you don't need to be seen in public because you are obviously unshowered with makeup still smeared all over your face from the night before.
9. And again they understand that #7 and #8 are also best when combined with watching a whole season of something on OnDemand (Californication, Dexter season 1 or 2, Tell Me You Love Me, etc. )
10. They pee in guy's beds while wasted, and then when they wake up they don't know they did it, but once they find out they do they call you immediately while the guy (who they just met the night b4) is listening to them talk to you. Also, they don't leave embarassed from the guys house the next morning, and instead they stay around and hang out as they are covered in their own pee.
11. They share your sick (i.e. absolutely AMAZING) dance moves, and come up with some of the best moves out there (Love Swans!?!??)
12. They always dance with you in the car (even when you get stuck on a median because you can't see out of the windshield and are begging them to help you out).
13. They aren't scared by you when you drunkenly threaten to hurt them or to rape other people.
14. They walk behind you on the way home to make sure you safely make it through the creepy alley you live in, even after you scream at them and tell them to leave you alone, tackle them multiple times, almost get them killed by continually running into oncoming traffic, and force them to leave the bar early because your are harassing people in the bar by hitting them with the one shoe that you still have.
15. and Finally, they are just so cool that they will hang out with you NO MATTER what else they have going on. School, work, working out, it doesn't matter....they always hang out with you because it is way more fun than doing anything else.

There are about a million more things that make a good friend, but I don't need to list the rest of them because there is only one girl who fits them all......ANNIE!

p.s. Annie you poo face, move to San Diego now!! Without my other half , things are not nearly as fun :(

Why can't i just be honest?!?

So, I recently graduated from college and am looking for my first real job (which is really awesome timing...Thanks economy!). But as I go on numerous interviews and talk to professionals about who I am and what I am interested in doing I find myself just continually lying and becoming someone who is not myself at all.

First, lets talk about who I really am. I went to the University of WI and double majored in Communications and Psychology. It sounds like a was a hard worker because I finished 2 majors in 4 years, but let me be honest, I was in no way a hard worker. Having 2 majors was actually easier because so many classes cross over and so you already know have of the info you are learning in classes. Also, I was a comarts major. Seriously, probably the easiest major in college, and it helped that 4 of my good friends were also comarts majors, meaning I never went to class and would just borrow notes from my friends who already took the classes. So, this helped me to have a very fun social life throughout college. A lot of people say that at Madison you work hard and party harder, but I would say that I just partied hard. I blacked out on a pretty regular occasion, and I'm not gonna lie, I mastered the art of blacking out. I have even been described by my friend Joel as a "seamless blackout" because I am a very functioning blackout and you will never know that I am blackout until the next day when I remember nothing about what happened. Also, another part of who I am is an avid non-reader. I hate reading! Seriously, really dislike it! I tried to explain this to my friends and they just didnt get it, but I have ONLY read 2 whole books my entire life and i swear that is not a lie. I am not sure how I got through high school or college without reading books, but I some how did. You would be amazed at the info you can find if you search long enough online. Even obscure books have stuff written about them, it may take awhile of googling, but trust me you can find enough info about most books. So yeah, I have never read The Giver or To Kill a Mockingbird, or many of those other classic books I was suppossed to read. I actually have NO IDEA what either of them are about. My friends recently explained what The Giver was about, which is definiitely not what I thought. In my mind it was about a man who was very generous and helped a lot of people in need out, which apparently it is not, so Im not really sure how I made it through English classes with good grades.

So, lets see so far I am a college graduate who did not attend class, did not read, did only what was needed to get by, and partied a lot. Just in case many of you don't know about good things to say in interviews, that is not a good thing to tell people. So basically, I have been forced into complete lies. I tell people that I worked hard to graduate in 4 years with a double major and that my self motivation made me strive to turn in work that was to the best of my ability. I say that I am a strong writer and that I do not procrastinate and am always organized and get my work done before it is due. This is all complete BS and having to say this over and over is making me really annoyed.

This is what I wish I could say.
I know how to write really well in a short period of time. I wrote ALL of my papers for college the night or morning before they were due and they were good. I am also not organized at all and don't have much motivation, but I can produce great work despite both of those things. I am very good at finding info about anything online, and I know how to get things done with little amount of thought or work. Also, I am really good at telling people what they want to hear, regardless of whether or not it is the truth.

In fact, I have had a lot of practice with telling people what they want to hear lately as I have been trying to get a waitressing job. I recently went to a open casting call for Applebee's where about 50 people showed up for a few positions so I knew I had to turn up the BS and tell them what they wanted to hear. They asked me what makes me a good server and my answer went something like this....I think anyone can be a good server, but what makes me a great server is that I always go above and beyond to make people's experiences better (LIE). For example, at my previous job at an Asian restaurant if I saw that there were children at the table who didnt know how to use chopsticks, I would create chopsticks that they could use u putting paper in between the sticks and wrapping a rubber band around it (LIE: I NEVER once did this. A lot of other employees did, but I don't even know how to do it). I also said that I always have a positive attitude no matter what is going on and that I like to stay busy so I am always cleaning and making sure that my section is perfect (DOUBLE LIE: At my previous jobs I was probably one of the most bitter employees. I always came into work pissed off and I bitched about everyone the whole time I was there. I also never cleaned if I didnt have too. I was asked to clean by my manager PR many times, which my response was ussually walking away and pretending I didn't hear him, telling him I had too much other work to do, or flicking him off behind his back and cleaning for about a second before I went to the back to talk to Gina or Sara). However, even though Applebees will soon discover that I am a complete fake because they actually hired me, I think it is a skill that I lied to them so well and they thought I was the type of person they wanted working for them.

I am just getting really sick of all of this constant lying. PR is all about keeping up a good image and lying if you need to. I am great at this. I wish I could let this people know how good I am at lying and putting on a polite professional demeanor because that is what they need. However, I don't think if I let companies know this real me I would get hired, so I guess I have to go back to my life of lies...o well.

I'm finally getting on the band wagon!

Well I've finally done it. A lot of my friends already started blogging and I always wanted to do it, but it just seemed like too much work. I mean as anyone who knows me already knows, I am pretty lazy and don't put a lot of effort into anything. Blogging seemed a lot like school work to me, like trying to come up with good thoughts and get them out so people would understand them seems like writing a paper, which I normally try to avoid (while atleast until the night before the paper is due). But lately things in my life have been changing so maybe it is time I change my viewpoint on blogging. Also, I feel like I have had a lot of thoughts lately and really no outlet for them. I just moved to San Diego, where I know a total of about 5 people (which include my brother, his wife, and a few of their friends), so needless to say I don't really have many people to talk to. This has been kinda difficult because I like to talk A LOT, probably too much. I sometimes actually think to myself that I need to speak less because sometimes I think my friends get annoyed when I just show up at their places and talk their ears off. So, now I am going to start getting my thoughts out through blogging. I really hope that I can keep up doing this, but I have a feeling that I am going to have a lot of posts this week and then like everything else I start, I will probably get really bored and never post again after this week. But I am staying positive for the time being and hoping that just like other things are changing in my life maybe my laziness and lack to commit to things will change soon too!