Dealbreakers

O Deal breakers, we all have them, and lately I have been noticing mine a lot more than usual. In case you are unaware of what a deal breaker is let me explain. Although according to one of Urban Dictionary's definitions a deal breaker is "the act of firmly yet romantically cramming your entire fist into your signifigant other's cornhole." (i.e. Nick gave Cindy a Deal Breaker in his Beretta, and she liked it.), this is not the definition that I am referring to. Actually that def'n is a good example of what a deal breaker could be, but here is a better definition. A deal breaker is something about someone that is so bad that is overrides any other good qualities that they may possess. If you still don't understand then maybe these examples of my deal breakers will help to make it clearer.

1. Jean shorts. These are only allowed if your name is Ron, you are over 50, and you are a math teacher.

2. Black tennis shoes with shorts (esp. when paired with jean shorts and socks higher than the ankle...I ran into one of these the other weekend and it was not a pretty sight)

3. "Babe" users. Please never refer to me as "babe", and while we are at it I prefer not to ever be called honey, sweetie, baby, and any other name to that effect. Acceptable names are Kretsch, Krotch, hey you, bitch, ho bag, slut, whore, etc. Unacceptable names are Babe, baby, honey, sweetie, etc. Got it...ok good.

4. Closeted "babe" users. The only thing worse than calling me babe all the time would be to hide your use of the word "babe" because you know I dislike it and then when I finally start to like you, you get comfortable enough to let the "babe" using come out. This is not only completely unacceptable, but it is absolute grounds for breaking up and never speaking to one another again.

5. Muscle tees. First of all if you do not have a good body I don't know why you would even consider wearing a muscle tee. I had a group of guys come into Applebee's the other day, all in muscle tees (yes there were 4 of them) and order the all you can eat riblets. After bringing each of them about 7 refills of riblets each I asked if they were full yet and one of them rubbed his belly (that was visible through the large slits in his muscle tee) and said "this big daddy's buff bod has had enough protein to last him for days" (this will lead into my next post, but this shows the type of people who wear muscle tees and why it is not acceptable). Also, in the odd case that you do have a good body and are wearing a muscle tee, I think this may be even more unacceptable. If you are one of those people that is trying to show off your bulging biceps by wearing a muscle tee then you not only care way to much about what you look like, but by common occurance you are probably also overly taned and have gelled and spiked hair...all of which add up to one massive dealbreaker (if you need a visual think Joey from the Hollywood Real World...nut case and all together deal breaker).

6. People who refer to themselves as big daddy, big pappa, or anything to that effect.

7. Frosted tips....enough said.

That is all I have for now, but I am getting tired and having trouble thinking of more, so there will be more to come. There are the obvious deal breakers, like taking rape too seriosuly, but those will be explained in more detail in another post. For now I think this is a good list for general deal breakers.